"It is a popular delusion that the government wastes vast amounts of money through inefficiency and sloth. Enormous effort and elaborate planning are required to waste this much money."
P.J. O'Rourke
"Iran began holding talks with the six world powers. Participants were the U.S., Russia, China, Britain, France, and Oprah."Conan O'Brien
"Good intentions will always be pleaded for every assumption of authority. It is hardly too strong to say that the Constitution was made to guard the people against the dangers of good intentions. There are men in all ages who mean to govern well, but they mean to govern. They promise to be good masters, but they mean to be masters."
Poll: Ellen DeGeneris Would Be Best Holiday Party HostGOP Senators Pledge to Block All Democratic Bills
Andy Rooney the worst.
"President Obama has set aside over 180 million acres of land for polar bears. When Sarah Palin heard about it, she said, 'Todd, get my gun.'"
"President Obama's pledge to have the most transparent administration in history has come true. Thanks to WikiLeaks."
"Obama was going to have a meeting with Afghan President Karzai about the country's corruption, incompetence, and the wasting of American tax dollars. And that's just what Karzai was going to lecture Obama about."
"The privacy and dignity of our citizens [are] being whittled away by sometimes imperceptible steps. Taken individually, each step may be of little consequence. But when viewed as a whole, there begins to emerge a society quite unlike any we have seen – a society in which government may intrude into the secret regions of a [person's] life."
"Because of a printing error, a billion new $100 bills have to be destroyed. They're going to burn $100 billion dollars — just like they did with the last stimulus program."
"We're told cars are wasteful. Wasteful of what? Oil did a lot of good sitting in the ground for millions of years. We're told cars should be replaced with mass transportation. But it's hard to reach the drive through window at McDonald's from a speeding train. And we're told cars cause pollution. A hundred years ago city streets were ankle deep in horse excrement. What kind of pollution do you want? Would you rather die of cancer at eighty or typhoid fever at nine?"
10. Name on mailbox reads 'WikiLeaks Guy'
9. Spends most of his free time burying stuff in the yard
8. He insists you speak directly into his necktie
7. More than once, you've caught him crawling in your ventilation ducts
6. He told you about Jeter's new contract at Thanksgiving
5. He insists you speak directly into his necktie — that joke was already in the Top Ten. We really need someone checking these things
4. On recycling day, he puts out cans, bottles, and classified documents
3. His idea of small talk is 'Good morning' and 'Want the coordinates of our secret military base in the Strait of Hormuz?'
2. Any time you talk to him, all he says is, 'I know. I know. I know . . . '
1. Gets drunk and takes a 'WikiLeak' on your porch — Hayo!
"Taking somebody's money without permission is stealing, unless you work for the IRS; then it's taxation. Killing people en masse is homicidal mania, unless you work for the Army; then it's National Defense. Spying on your neighbors is invasion of privacy, unless you work for the FBI; then it's National Security. Running a whorehouse makes you a pimp and poisoning people makes you a murderer, unless you work for the CIA; then it's counter-intelligence."
"When one gets in bed with government, one must expect the diseases it spreads."
"What are all the Riches, the Luxeries, and even the Conveniences of Life compared with that Liberty where with God and Nature have set us free, with that inestimable Jewel which is the Basis of all other Employments?"
"During my service in the United States Congress, I took the initiative in creating the Internet."
David Bond |
“This whole thing about not kicking someone when they are down is b.s. Not only do you kick him—you kick him until he passes out—then beat him over the head with a baseball bat—then roll him up in an old rug—and throw him off a cliff into the pounding surf below!!!!!”